I am facing my dreadful subject – Math. I am so weak at it that I really find it super hard to survive passing it. Yeah – maybe I could pass – but only barely.
I got no passing grade for the quizzes this Midterm period in this subject, and in next week we will have our Midterm Exams – which is a lot harder.
That is one of the reasons why I feel so tired and weak last Christmas – I felt like surrendering and giving up. I am en emotional being – easy to be encouraged, but also easy to be discouraged.
But after God has put in me the heart of worshipping Him in a much truer sense – I have now this conviction: I will surrender to God, and not to subjects, especially in Math. I would consider myself a success if I will regain my former glorious relationship with Him, even though I fail in this subject for the mean time. But I would consider myself a failure if I pass this subject but my former closeness to God would not be restored.
These past months, I was distracted and lost focused on God. That is my priority now – get back to God, and passing the class subjects are just secondary ones.
I fear mathematical equations: my mind maybe is not naturally wired for numbers. More numbers, especially with added letters and lines, make my life a lot more complex. The sad thing is that these days, these equations have turned out not to be found only in Math exercises, I see equations wanting to be solved in every area of my life.
Facing math problems is really a taunting task. Now that I am in college again, I really find it hard to cope with the pressure of mathematical logic – numbers and lines seem to jump off the paper and flew past my head. Having studied math in a classroom more than a decade ago, then facing it again is an issue.
And so it is with my life. I see myself very slow in adapting to real-life problems. What could be the matter? Why is it that whenever I have not learned to mature in an area where God wanted me to overcome, that same equation would keep on facing me and I could not just escape it.
Our first quiz in Math just a week ago was a classic. After finishing the class in Speech, I hurriedly ran toward the second floor to take the Math exam. surprisingly, the class was already half a paper doing their solving. I was terribly shocked! So I answered as fast as I could, and with my fingers shaking in the first five minutes. Blessedly, there was only one problem to which I quit trying to solve.
Like Math, I have to mature in my present problems so that I may endure the future ones. I have to do my best now or the best of the future might never come. More importantly, I knew in my heart that the God who helped me pass that dreaded Math exam is the same God who will help me be an overcomer in the daily equations of my life.