This post could be a defense, or maybe an elaboration. In my past confession, I was opening up that I had a real hard time deciding if I would still take up secular college – the dilemma was that if I would take another secular course (and pursue the secular teaching profession), it would only mean that I am giving up my ‘calling’ for a full-time ministry. And the making up of that decision was indeed breaking up my heart.
Truly heart-breaking and mind-hammering because I have always believed since I entered the Bible School that after graduating, my only path would be to pursue the full-time ministry, or at least have it alongside teaching at a Bible School.
So the year 2012 was very instrumental for me to learn new principles in life – in a hard and painful way – which involves laying down aside my former convictions.
For a long time, it was like taunting the self – I said to myself years before that I would never again study secular nor pursue secular profession, and I stood firmly for that conviction for years – but now I am swallowing it up. For months, I felt I have dishonoured and have been a good traitor of the self.
But though I would say that I really could not understand God’s ways (and for sure thousands of Christians out there would agree), at the back of my mind I have some logical reasoning that maybe, God truly wants me to take this new path of professional life – not as a subtraction to my desired full-time ministry life, but as a good addition.
By taking this new path, in this pilgrimage I will be given the best chance to face and overcome my fears in many areas, and grow up as a better person. Fears that would surely remain not faced and unchecked if I would pursue now the full-time ministry that I have wanted.
Walking bravely (and nervously) this strange new world would give me new attachments and relationships – and in effect widen my sphere of influence.
What would I say then? It is always best to trust the mysterious ways of God, though it often inflict pain and push our minds to the limits.
Truly, “His ways are not our ways.”