The Greatness of God and My Nothingness
I grew up as a pampered child – deprived of emotional happiness. Almost always humiliated, unwanted, and mocked during my early childhood up to my adolescence years. So, in defensive response to that hurting past, after graduating highschool, I made a physical-makeover in attempts of seeking self-worth. Immediately, the tables were turned as I gained admirers – every one of them added some worth on my subdued heart. I was super-glorious in myself.
In just a short time, I felt like a god that must be worshipped. The cravings to be worshipped (or adored) proved to be insanity. In other words, I got mad.
And, as any being trying to be ‘mighty’ or ‘stand’ against the Majesty of God, the Most High – the Lord – crushed me down, and it was truly hurting (1 Samuel 5:1-4). It was my facedown fall – but I’m very thankful to God, for He humbled me – I found myself crying and surrendering on His feet. I was like King Nebuchadnezzar who learned to humble down in response to God’s awesome disciplinary action.
August 2004 was the month when I and my friends encountered God in our full-fasting. It was very uplifting because God humbled us by showing how great He is. After that encounter, we were never the same again.
On many different occasions God humbled me, powerfully resisting my carnal boastful self until He made me to surrender my glory – my love for the beautiful self. He took my physical splendor, and it is my best offering as a worshiper ever.
Slowly, God lifted and comforted me by giving me new families and friends. In the world, was rejected, in His arms, I found love and acceptance. He also entrusted me some of His work (ministry), a kind of thing that will truly humble a Christian and be grateful to God at the same time.
I graduated Bible School this last March 30, 2012. That training caused another big deal of pain and hurts as my inferiorities in life were brought up for healing. Forcing me to face the inner self is both frightening and freeing. Nonetheless, by the Grace of God, I am a better person now – a person who still has a lot of weaknesses. May God always grant me the heart that always seeks for Him.
As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for Thee, O God, for the living God (Psa. 42:1-2)
My soul thirsts for Thee, my flesh yearns for Thee, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. (Psa. 63:1)
O taste and see that the Lord is good. (Psa. 34:8)
Facing the challenges of this broken world is a call for every Christian – a call that calls up for the total surrender of the self to Christ. May He find me faithful.
My chief end is to glorify God by enjoying Him forever, where He is most exalted, and I am most humbled down and satisfied.